Project Grin!

LTB in action tomorrow. Whoo :D :D :D the product of about a million meetings and too much stress. I can't wait!! It has been one hell of a journey but i think i'm finally able to spot the light at the end of the tunnel, even if its still blinking faintly and quite a distance away. Go go Project Grin!

There are too many things i wish i could say

Everyday i feel like i'm drifting away from everything i've been anchored to, as if all my hopes, my wishes and dreams that i've been holding so close to my heart since last year is breaking away bit by bit. And i feel too helpless a midst all these changes.. i'm watching it all happen and i can't seem to stop it. I'm being sucked into the too-quick smu pace, swirling in its rapids, drowning in these huge waves. I feel like i'm on a dissipating cloud nine and it really sucks so bad :(

I hate goodbyes :(

Sniff. Missing you girls very very very very much. And a13 too.

When we went to send hwee off at the airport, i felt like a crumbling cookie :( i think i've been trying desperately to shove whatever negative thoughts right to the back of my mind, but i guess yesterday i kinda just missed how things used to be and even worse jac and i just couldn't stop the waterworks. And i think we've been holding it all in, but its just almost too much to take. I'm really really really tired... and there's just no way i can exaggerate how bad it gets sometimes. There's really no light at the end of this tunnel and i'm stumbling with each step i take.

Help needed.

AND the weekend's gone by again, just like that. Hahaha its been one of the best weekends since school has started which really wrapped up an awesome week 4. Heh i don't think i'm getting any better on the work front, i think i'm just starting to get used to the fast pace and all the new friends and everything. Its hard to leave the cozy cocoon TBG created while we were in vj.. missing the girls dearly but i can't help but somehow still feel quite connected to you guys. I don't think i wanna be at anywhere else except here. Haha. Its been really tough i gotta admit, and sometimes i really feel like i'm on the verge of breaking down from stress - yup and its only been 4 weeks; but smu is moulding me into one tough cookie. Hehe. Bring on week 5! I love school i hate school i really can't decide; but haha the earth keeps spinning the hours keep passing gotta keep going. Whew.

Hmmm there's really been a whole lot going on and everything's changing - some in ways that kinda hurt but i guess its been so crazy lately there's just no time to let it all sink it so its all been sort of brushed aside. Maybe its better this way, just bury bury bury the hatchet and hope i'll forget it then maybe everything will be okay again.

It all begins again tomorrow. MONDAY!

Week 4!!!!! I'm so sad that week 4 is ending - its been almost too good a week. Stressland's getting better. I hope this lasts! I haven't felt this happy in a while :D

Stressland so far hasn't really gotten any better. But somewhere deep deep deep down i guess i still sort of love it despite EVERYTHING hehe. I've never been this worn out. I think i've never felt more helpless and inept. I keep missing the holidays and missing my friends and being worry-free. So thank God for the friends! There's probably no one who understands me better than jac now. Leow too. The old friends who i can always fall back on no matter what! And there's geri and iain, with whom friendship has already blossomed to be something quite not-normal hehe... extraordinary even ;) and not to forget jiaxin, wanjing, chris, wuch and the bunch of people who have so far made life here in smu so much more bearable.

Smuggers woohoo!

These pictures were taken on national day! I really miss dee and lydia. Urban-dodge, paopaochar, japanese bakery bread and singing taylor swift songs together and laughing and complaining and just having fun - heh what a fond memory :D

Ahhh all that feels like forever ago. I feel like i've been transplanted in a whole different alien galaxy since the holidays ended. Haha its only the second week and school is taking its toll on me. Now i really know what they meant about reading law... pure madness! It isn't just about getting through your readings (which is just about impossible considering the massive amount), its really more about quizzing everything you read and constantly evaluating. I know - its really like HUH. Haha. But no time to huh too. Uni isn't a learning institution - haha its more like an ocean with angry waves and i'm just struggling to stay afloat. Heeellpppp. I'm drowning.

Life at a snail-slow pace has suddenly accelerated to that of a high speed rollercoaster, and i'm feeling more than just a little nauseous. This is one hell of a ride, I'm really scared and maybe a teeny wee bit excited too - and there's nothing i can do but wait for the sudden drops and the sharp turns when i'm gonna be feeling like i'm being flung far-out to another planet. But i guess i'll be strapped tight to my seat and i'll probably make it through (even if the end is nowhere in sight), and before i know it i might be wishing to have another go at it all over again... or not haha. What can i expect? Its uni. Get ready for the ride of my life. And pray really hard nothing screws up. Hit it!

The new big problem in my life: this bidding blizzard flurry. I gotta admit though, this stress has got me a little riled up for school to start. Heh. Even with my head throbbing from the intense phone discussion with jac last night, i couldn't sort of help but feel a wee bit happy - purpose finally coursing through my veins again! Woohoo. Hahaha ok this is kinda twisted, but yeaahh - i guess there's a part of me looking forward to be sucked into the whole school thing again.

Something's gotta give. I'm not going to settle for anything less ever again! (although i miss the old days more than you'll ever know.)

This feeling is a familiar one. Haha i can still remember it all quite clearly, the bunch of us after sec4 who spent nearly everyday of that long post-Os break together.. huddling in castlegreen function room playing RISK on the last night before first-3-months started. And when it was all time to go home, i think we were all really sad, because it meant we were all going to different jcs and polys and because it meant those days of too much free time were about to end. And before we all slept that night there was this crazy round of smses where we all promised to stay close to each other and meet up often... more than 2 years on, i'm really glad that for most part they're still some of my closest friends, although we see each other maybe once in a couple of weeks - casuarina prata or tpy rojak and even though we're all far apart. And even though we're not always as whole a unit as we used to be then, it only just means that the strongest bonds still exist anyway, right? Hehe.

Ahhhhh and its exactly the same with the a13 girls now! We visited the KR girls in hall last thursday and got to celebrate mouse's birthday too.. is it like our last whole group meeting before everything starts. I think them moving all the way west has kinda shaken the dynamics of this group - hahaha OK i don't mean to be too dramatic about it, and of course i don't wanna ever think that we will ever drift apart, but i guess it sorta symbolises that uni life is right about to begin for all of us.. all of us going in our own directions, no more 8 girls together in the canteen/classroom/assembly row/out together doing random things. Yeah it can't always be the way it has been for the past two years, but i'll definitely miss just having the girls around all the time and while a part of me is really excited about this new beginning, i guess i'm quite scared without you girls right by me.

But time to grow up! Accept that change is the only thing constant. Don't wanna keep thinking negative thoughts either. I'll hoot those who won't make time haha. And as i keep posting on fb hahaha as cheesy as it sounds, i know our friendship's a ship that can't sink. We may not be able to be as updated on each other's lives as we are now, and maybe we won't be able to meet often, but come on - optimistic ants here says technology ftw!! There's skype. And fb, and our phones, and msn. And there's vivo, right smack in the middle of us city girls and you 4 west-siders. More importantly we have all our memories to keep us close in our hearts and mind. I really love you girls! You guys were there through it all.. and even though in our huge group its hard to share problems and what not especially in between all our rubbish conversations, each of you individually really mean a lot to me.

Deep deep breath! We can all do this. Bound together by hwee's corny friendship bracelt <3 <3 <3 Our longest ever break from school is finally coming to an end, also an end to our wednesdays together and random dinner and shopping and movie outings.. and car rides. Time to feel useful again, and stress out over school work and get reaallllyy busy. I know we'll survive through this :)

Sunny afternoons

Esther got back from switzerland and she's taking a gap year here (whoopee) before she jets off to canada... but in the meantime, after re-scheduling at least a million times we managed to squeeze in some time hehe - to do stuff like eat, visit peirce, eat, take pictures, eat more, feel silly, drink paopaochar yum. Je'taime esther moochie!