"I think the world has been made more restless, more volatile, more impatient through the internet, and it has robbed people of contemplative solitude by a buzz of information. But these are very alterations in culture, far from diminishing curiosity, have made the world less predictable, more dramatic and accessible, full of paradoxes that have to be seen to be believed."

- Paul Therox, "Dispatch from a Shrinking Planet" in Newsweek (May 23 & 30, 2011).

Don't you wanna stay here a little while?
Don't you wanna hold each other tight?
Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight?
Don't you wanna stay here a little while?
We can make forever feel this way
Don't you wanna stay?

Is this the end of the beginning? Or is this the beginning of the end? I really don't know, but its frustrating, tiring and sad and i'm starting to feel very afraid and small. Maybe its because i'm testing it - like i wanna know that you'll still be here for me even when i'm mean. I'm sorry i've been like that lately. Because you're going away, and i need to know that the skype chats and the whatsapps and the inconvenient hours wouldn't change a thing. I'm not even someone who's conscientious about replying messages or emails, and you're not like that either :( what if we can't keep up with each other's lives anymore? Its a lousy feeling, an insecure feeling, and i hate feeling like that. But it bothers me everyday and in many ways.. the first thing people say to me when they hear you're going on exchange is: "so how?". I don't know how. It hurts that i don't know anything and i don't know whats going to happen. When i talk about it to other people, i always think of it objectively. Like "i'm gonna buy him a coat when i'm in Europe so he can take it on exchange", "i'm saving up money so i can visit him at year end". The truth is we can't guarantee it. The minute you talk to me about it, i can barely listen without feeling super lousy. I wish i could be more supportive. I can't complain either, because i know everybody will say the things i already try to tell myself. Who am i kidding? The only person who can make me feel better is you. But you look as lost i am. Like you don't know what you can say or do to assure me. Because we both don't know. And that is what scares me the most.

Today's event was quite a milestone - i'm not exactly sure i can say it went as well as i dared to hope it would, but it wasn't a disaster either hahaha. Yes i met SH's parents officially for dinner today to celebrate his brother's birthday. And it was nice too. They're so different from my parents, and my family, but in a way that is really endearing as well and i think i smiled a little bit too and quivered when i spoke but on the whole, phewww :)